I’ve only been seeing the chicken fat…

My meditation teacher once gave me a very valuable metaphor.  He told me that whenever things seemed to be going “wrong” in my life, whenever I was working on an issue and it seemed to be getting “worse” before it got “better”, to think of it like a dirty pot.  When you have a dirty pot and you soak it over night, in the morning all the fat has risen to the surface.  Now, one could choose to look at this and simply see the fat and judge it as dirty or bad…..OR…one could choose to think of it as a pot simply in the process of getting clean   I much prefer the later in my personal life and it has worked wonders.  Tonight, however, I had an epiphany.  I have been looking at the world and proclaiming that this is wrong and that is corrupt and this doesn’t make sense, etc…..I’ve only been seeing the chicken fat.  Well, tonight as I sit here I finally saw past the fat and I can finally see the emerging clean pot.  Believe me when I say, perspective is EVERYTHING!!!!!  Namaste

Life is beautiful

As I write the above I am sitting in a coffee shop listening to a beautiful, soulful musician.  It’s actually a gift that I am able to listen to him right now.  He’s from Australia and on this oh so rainy day, his show was supposed to be canceled.  He sits in his chair plucking the strings of his guitar with divinity flowing from every finger with every strum.  He tells a story of finding his queen and his children and having the gift of music in his life, and it makes me misty eyed.  At the same time I read an article about setting goals that are outside of your comfort zone. That place of discomfort is where motivation and life truly begins.
We are interesting creatures, us humans, we have such beauty and light within each and every one of us yet we suppress it.  We watch movies and iconize others for achieving the dreams that reside within our oun hearts yet let our heads convince us that it’s not possible.  What stops us from dreaming big and living bigger?  The irony is that we know what’s stoping us, we know it very well, we confront that powerful force every morning in that bathroom mirror.  Oh how I wish for the day when we step aside and stop hindering ourselves from Heaven….oh the human drama.

….and then she jumped

 I learned one of life’s greatest lessons from a man named “Cave Man” while surfing off the coast of San Diego. He noticed me watching him curiously while washing the sand off my board and approached me, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other. His shirt was off and his skin was like leather. He introduced himself and asked me the question that my soul has asked me many times, “wanna try it?”. My curiosity had been directed towards the rope that was tied between two trees, a make-shift tight rope created by a man who had seen more in his lifetime than I could ever dream of. My answer was of course “no”. As loud as my soul shouted yes, my head always seemed to shout louder. The answer of my friend and companion that day was, as it usually is, “sure why not?”.
        Afer a few minutes of watching her “learn the ropes”, so to speak, my soul cried out once more and this time I listened. Wobbling uncontrollably, I put one foot on the rope and grasped the shoulder of my new friend Cave Man. He put his cigarette to his chapped lips and spoke these words to me…”you have to put all your weight, everything you have, on one foot before you can take the next step”. A leather skinned man, who smelled of smoke and booze, taught me one of the most essential lessons in life that day. If you aren’t fully grounded in the present before you take the next step into the future, you’ll always be a little wobbly.
Thank you Cave Man.

Life is an elipse

In the 17th century, Johannes Kepler decided that the planets didn’t move in a circular motion but rather in orbits, which could be represented mathematically as an ellipse….what if this is also true of life as we experience it? They say that life, politically moves in a pendulum, moving from extreme left to extreme right….what if the two combined are true? What if life as we experience it is moving in it’s own elliptical orbit?
In the very beginnings of modern, western thought, there were great thinkers. Mathematicians were also philosophers, astronomers, even artists. The world was new to them and they had to think of it globally in order to take it in. There were no shoulders for them to stand on so they had to create universal theories of everything. There were no paths for them to start upon, they had to forge their own from scratch.
Today, we have gotten far away from the great thinkers and have moved into specialization. In this shift, I feel that we have lost the big picture. Today’s neuroscientists don’t have time to be philosophers, to think about the implications of their daily discoveries. We are so over-loaded with the information that it takes just to get to the top of all these specialized fields that it makes me wonder if there’s any time to innovate when we get there. Is this specialization getting us to our higher self or is it leading to our own extinction? Maybe it’s time for less specialization and more globalization. A change of course in our orbit……..maybe.

Money

 So I just read a friend’s blog about money and the massive amounts of it that has already been spent on the “WAR ON TERROR”.  His point was that there are much better ways of spending our money (like education, the environment, health care you know things that might actually benifit us).  The thought that popped into my oh so dreamy “new agey” mind was that it really has nothing to do with money.  If you think about it, money is meaningless.  If we are spending billions of dollars on this war, yet we are so called trillions of dollars in debt, then where is this “money” coming from?  This “money” is nothing more than a representation of power, a representation of where we place our values. 
      I think this is a very hard concept for a lot of people to grasp, or I should say that this is a very hard concept for people to release.  We have been scared into thinking that money is associated with our very survival, that without it, and the power that is associated with it, we are nothing….we are powerless.  The interesting thing is that I think the people who do get this concept are the people with no money at all…..for example, I once had a lot of problems with my credit.  I would buy all this stuff and pay for it with this card and then get these bills at the end of the month and I would pay a little bit of it and then when I thought that bill was getting too large, I would find somewhere else to put it where it seemed like it might be “a better deal”.  After a while it caught up to me and I found it harder and harder to find places to tranfer it to.  The real issue I was facing, or rather not facing, had nothing in this universe to do with money.  The core issue was my avoidance of what I was valuing.  
     My purchaces weren’t based upon what I valued or even on what I desired, in fact I couldn’t even tell you why I bought most of the things I bought.  Keeping up with the Jones’s comes to mind…..When times got tough and I was forced to deal with this issue that I had been pushing to the back burner, I dealt with it in the most conscious way I could.  I didn’t just find another place to transfer my issues, I dealt with them head on.  I took a good hard look at why I was spending way beyond my means and what exactly I did value and what I did choose to spend my money on……Now, I am making less money than I ever have, I have no credit cards to fall back on in an “emergency”, I’ll be paying a monthly bill for the next four years on things I have already gotten rid of…..and I have never felt richer.
      I think this country, this world, is like a teenager with his first credit card.  We aren’t putting any attention on what we choose to spend our money on, and there are no parents around to check us if we’re on an unhealthy path.  It’s time we start checking ourselves.  Money has no value aside from that we place upon it.  Our money is “backed” by gold; it’s value determined by the price of that gold…..what do you think someone from another planet would think about our “value system”?  It’s based upon a shiny rock that someone once thought was pretty and then someone else decided it had value because they wanted a shiny rock too.  We like to think that we are so evolved yet here we are hundreds of years later still fighting over the shiny rock that the neighbor just found.
      No govenment, no one ever can determine for you what is valuable and what is not.  Decide for yourself, let your neighbor decide for themselves and don’t ever be scared or pressured into thinking you are wrong.  Sent with so much love and compassion……NAMASTE!!!!!

I want you to get mad!!!!

I watched this movie on the internet last night and it made me MAD!!!!!!  It made me mad in the best possible way.  The movie is called Zeitgeist ( http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/ )and you can only watch it on the internet….It’s basically about how we have all been lied to (not like this is a new concept).  We have been lied to and manipulated.  The people in power in this world are banking on the fact that we are idiots….or at least they think we are.
     I can’t even begin to give a summary of what the movie covers, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WATCH IT!!!!!!  And once you’ve watched it I want you to get mad.  I don’t want you to then protest because I couldn’t tell you what to protest.  I don’t want you to lash out because I couldn’t tell you who to lash out against…..but I do want you to get man, to feel anger, to experience it.  For in this world, collectively, we are in a state of apathy, and apathy is one of the lowest emotions we could possibly experience.  So GET ANGRY, at least anger is an emotion…..even if you don’t know what to do with it, just feel it!!!!!  Feel something, feel it in every cell of your body, of your soul…..
    …..Then be calm.  Be calm and observe.  See what that anger stirs up.  See what that anger inspires within you.  I don’t have all the answers, and I certainly don’t have your answers, but I do know that APATHY IS NOT IT!!!!!  Get angry.  Proclaim to yourself that you are a human being and you have value, GOD DAMMIT!!!!!  I don’t care how you change the world but if you get angry enough to change your world, then you are no longer a slave.  Once you are free, it is your obligation to free those around you.  You don’t have to know how, you just have to try…..to start THINKING!!!!  And just in the trying, you will succeed.
     No one has power over us unless we give it to them.  We enslave ourselves due to our own internal fears.  Fear does not exist unless you choose it.  Your soul is and always will be free.  The time is now to move beyond our self-imposed shackles.  The time is now to be FREE!!!!

…..Thank you for taking the time to listen and hopefully to THINK.  Sent with so much love!!!!

Here comes Becky

I bought “The Secret” about a month ago and I watched most of it, but I never finished it.  I thought that I got the jist of it, because the laws of the Universe weren’t a totally new concept for me.  Tonight I watched the whole thing and I saw what I was not ready to see then.  It was one simple sentence.  “It is not your job to change the world.  It is not your job to change those around you.”  Up until tonight, I really did think it was MY job to change the world.  This thought consumed me so many times.  It consumed me into a state of stagnation.  Nothing I could ever think to do was good enough.  I had these enormous dreams of changing the world and no steps I ever made seemed worthy of anything, because there was always someone doing “more”….so I took no steps at all.
I remember during one of my trips back home, I got into a bit of an argument with my parents and I remember my mom asking me, “what are YOU doing?”  I was floored, in that moment I let every thought and feeling of love that I have ever experienced be minimalized and diminished because I thought it would never be good enough.  That since I wasn’t working towards a “cause” that I wasn’t doing anything of value…..I betrayed myself that day, and today I forgive myself for that betrayal and for every other time I have betrayed myself by not living my truth.
My truth is that these feelings of joy and love and gratitude that guide my days IS what life is all about.  Today I allow myself to live.  Today I make changing myself the only job I have in this Universe.  My only job is to be the most amazing Becky I can ever invision…..and this is the ONLY way I will ever change the world.
Tuesday I leave for New York.  I’ve never been to New York…..I never really had much of a desire to travel before, but I crave it now.  I’ve traveled so many places in my mind and my heart over the past few years and now it is time to experience this world for myself.  New York is like my “kick off”.  The kick off for my new life.  I will see this world and see the poeple in it and all the beauty that has been created for us to experience and this will be my job and my reward will be immeasurable.  My life will no longer be measured by what I’m doing or by how much I am giving, but by what I am experiencing and recieving.  It is only through this that I will become the Becky who is worthy of changing the world, and just as I can and will change, so will the world.
Hello New York, hello world, and hello Universe cause here I come……and in the worlds of my beautiful girlfriend whom I am extremely gratefull for…..you’re not ready for this
Namaste!!!!!!!

I have the most amazing parents

So I just got off the phone with my parents and I had to ask a favor that I didn’t really want to ask. Partly because they have helped me out so much already and partly because honestly I didn’t want to hear the lecture and the judgements of my life (although I fully know that they aren’t judgements they are simply parental worries, and valid ones at that). I started to talk to my mom and I could tell that she was holding back her criticism of my life choices, or at least trying to, so I decided that I wanted to hear it. It was pretty much what I expected, it focused on the choices I’ve made since graduating college and my continued refusal to get a “real” job……please keep in mind my mom is an amazing woman and through all this she continues to reassure me that she loves me no matter what and all she ever wants for me is to be happy…..anyway, we got through it and I felt really good after. Then I got on the phone with my step dad and what I thought was going to be quite the battle turned out to be a heartfelt uplifting conversation. He is a truly remarkable, one of a kind man who really “gets it”.
……What I realized was this……during the past few years, through all this growth and awakening that I’ve been going through, I have been feeling like I was slipping further and further away from my parents. I felt like they just don’t understand me and we just have completely opposite ideas about life and because of that we will never be close like we were when I was a little girl and simply took everything they said as gospel. This thought has saddened me more than I ever realized, until today. I kept burring it and dismissing it as something that I didn’t need in my life (yeah right), but the thought of not being close to the people who raised me and sacrifice for me and taught me more than I will ever even know…..that thought is just not ok with me. What I realized tonight was that the only reason they don’t know who I am, and the reason why I have been feeling this distance between us is because of me. I can talk for days about my theories, my thoughts on life, on beauty and God and love and everyone I talk to about it can see that it all comes from a place of pure love…..and most people who love me can see that I have big dreams, and most of them believe that I will accomplish big things……All this, all these thoughts and feelings and ideas on life….my beliefs….are all within me but I’m still at a stage where there isn’t a lot to “show” for it. I figured out tonight that I don’t allow myself to fully show myself to my parents because, it’s not that their opinion of me doesn’t matter, but in fact that their opinion matters the most and to have them question my beliefs before I have “proof” for them (whatever that might be) would just devastate me. I think I’m babbling a bit, but I explained this a little bit to my step dad and he got it……and I cried……I told him that I know I’ll get to a place where I feel “stable” enough to reveal myself to them fully….and he said “I know you will too”…..and I cried some more. For a man who says so very few emotional words, he sure does pick the perfect ones when he does.
Tonight was the reminder that I needed that no matter what we think, our parents do accept us fully and unconditionally. There may be issues (theirs or ours) that stand in the way of fully showing it, but if you look…..REALLY look, you’ll find it. I feel very happy that I looked tonight, it reminded me that I have the most amazingly perfect parents for me.

Lady in the Water

I just finished watching “The Lady in the Water” my M. Night Shymalan.  I saw it on the Blockbuster shelf for a very long time, but I was told by everyone I asked about it that it was a really bad movie. Then I was told to watch it by my teacher but watch it from a higher level, from a more spiritual level.  He made the point that people are watching it at a very mundane level and judging it as a bad movie….so I decided to judge for myself.
As like many things in life, I can’t describe the feelings that I had while watching it, but it was just a feeling.  Actually, it was very well described in the movie as a “pins and needles” feeling.  I’m not going to get into plot and analysis, because it’s just not my thing.  All I can talk about is what it made me think and how it made me feel. 
……I don’t know exactly how to put this down in words……
I have this feeling inside me.  It’s a feeling that started when I moved to San Diego and with time and with more and more people that I am introduced to, the feeling only grows.  It’s a feeling of great change in this world.  It’s a feeling of ballance, like two sides silently battling and the outcome will determine how we define ourselves as humans and where we go from here.  Things just aren’t working anymore…..look around.  More and more people are starting to become awakened, how about you?  Are you awake or are you still sleeping through life?  Why are you here?  What is your purpose?  Is getting “ahead” in your job so you can retire and live securely really doing it for you?  Where has our spirituality gone?  Not our religion, but our true connection to LIFE?  We have these amazing indicators that we were born with, our own little cumpas but do we listen to it?  When was the last time you stoped to really “listen” and pay attention to your emotions?  Ask yourself a question…..do I like my job?  how do you FEEL???  What’s the purpose of emotions if we’re not listening to them??? 
We go to war over religion.  We actually kill our brothers and sisters because we believe in a God that would be so egotistical as to actually need  us to strike down anyone who didn’t show praise……do you really want to believe that we were created by that????
……Back to the movie…..
One of the aspects that really touched me and hit home was the fact that these great changes that were going to happen in the world were due to the acts of simple “average” people.  It wasn’t some trojan with buldging muscles or this rich white male.  I heard once that true greatness comes in very humble forms, and I believe it.  We go to church and honor these great heros from the bible, and we are so quick to forget that they were once very ordinary…..Jesus was a carpenter…..yet we refuse to recognize this kind of greatness in ourselves.  Yet a time is coming…..I feel it in every pin and needle in my body…..a time when us ordinary people are going to have to start recognizing and owning up to our own greatness and start believing in miracles.

Kids can be so cruel

Ok, so it’s 4:20 AM and I’m a little amped up on Red Bull, so forgive me if this comes out a little choppy……
I was hanging out with my breathtakingly beautiful girlfriend and she told me about this friend she had who had six toes on her right foot….which naturally led to us talking about how cruel kids can be with teasing and what-not. Then I had a little epiphany……we are born so perfect and full of love and purity. We don’t know what it means to be a different color, race, religion, rich, poor (you get my point) all we know is that we’re perfect and happy and as far as we know, so is everyone else. Then what do we do with these angelic creatures? We put them in sports, spelling B’s, coloring contests, beauty contests, you name it. With our adult minds we think that it’s just harmless competition and it’s healthy for them. The problem is that we forget that they don’t have adult minds. What kind of messages are we sending them? We embed it in their heads that they have to compete for everything…..to get ahead, to be the best, and that being the best is the only way to be worth anything. Then we act so shocked when they compete (and kill) over territories. It’s front page news when companies embezzle millions of dollars to have more than everyone else. We go to war fighting over precious oil…..we even kill entire populations of people just because they have the audacity to think that their God is better than ours…….why are we so surprised?
We live in a world of such abundance, (if you disagree, let’s talk about how many houses Donald Trump alone has) yet we can’t seem to solve the simple problem of ending starvation. We’re still competing over everything, even the most basic needs that everyone deserves, acting like children. We are such an arrogant race. With all the knowledge that we think we have, we still act so primitive. It’s this arrogance that keeps us from evolving. We’re still stuck in Kindergarten fighting over the last Oreo, yet we think we’ve just graduated college. So when will it end? When will we stop reinforcing in our children all these ugly traits we try to rid ourselves of as adults? I say, how about NOW!!!!